Thought Changer

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Welcome! If this is your first visit or if you’ve been here before but haven’t had a chance to subscribe, would love to have you as a part of the Thought Changer community which has moved to Substack! Just sign up in the box to the left. You’ll get a welcome email from me at Substack. Don’t forget to click the confirmation link. Thought Changer looks at everyday life metaphors. We explore new ways to think about what we do, improve our mindset and live more consciously. And, if something moves you, please share! Thank you and enjoy this Thought Changer.

A Life Lesson I Learned From My Smartphone Photo by Alejandro Garrido Navarro on Unsplash I was on the phone with my sister discussing an upcoming call about cryptocurrencies. She asked if I was going to tune in. I felt my breath quicken and my stomach churn, and it hit me. “I don’t have the personal bandwidth to take anything else into my brain right now,” I said. My next call was to make a doctor’s appointment when up popped a message on my phone: “You’re almost out of storage.” Twenty minutes later Outlook sent me an email: “Your mailbox is nearly full.” And, I had to laugh out loud. No kidding! Seriously, all three things happened within 45 minutes. Okay, okay I get it! I have no more bandwidth and am almost out of storage. The truth is I have a lot going on and that morning I realized… Read more →

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash We all want to matter. It’s innate for us to want to leave a mark on this world that will have meant something when we’re long gone. For loving parents, having children is often a principal and driving force of their purpose and legacy. I’ve asked so many friends who are parents this question, and many have said their children are their legacy, which always makes total sense to me. My grandmother would have been 114 this past week. I thought about how proud she would be if she could see all that her family is doing, her son and daughter, six granddaughters and seven great grandkids. I can just feel her joy as she watches the active and meaningful lives they’re all living. Her legacy is alive and well, and growing. It got me thinking about the existentialism of legacy, if you don’t… Read more →

Because sometimes, procrastination isn’t procrastination. Procrastination has gotten a bad rap. And, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the badness of it, and to browbeat ourselves over it. I get it. I’m an experienced perpetrator, judge and jury when it comes to the subject of procrastination, often handing down my own verdict: Bad Writer! As I’ve mentioned here I’ve been working on a memoir. And, for a while it was simply pouring out of me. Until it wasn’t. It’s like the river of ideas just stopped flowing. I fell into what most people would call the abyss of procrastination, which kind of fascinated me, to be honest. I’d start by beating myself up, then by trying to pep myself up and then just giving up. It was a cycle that went on for days. Then I realized, I was talking about the story with everyone I know, flushing out… Read more →

And, other advice for my younger self. I’m finding that some of my most treasured time these days is spent listening to, advising, encouraging, mentoring and enjoying young adults. It’s happened organically, sometimes out of the blue, as so often wonderful things do. I find myself, when in these situations, wanting to give them shortcuts, to tell them what I’ve learned along the way that might give them a leg up or that might save them from the angst or hardship or heartache that I went through when I was their age. Then, of course, I realize I can’t “save” them but can perhaps shed some light on a different or experienced perspective. I still remember those loving influences early in my adult life, often recalling the gems, now metaphorical or thematic, that still guide me. It got me thinking, as I’ve counseled these incredible, curious, bright, seeking, voracious people,… Read more →

Comparison, competition and perfection – the trifecta for failure. And what to do about them. Photo by Andrew Worley on Unsplash All three of these beauties – Comparison, Competition and Perfection – present themselves to me often, in varying degrees, one at a time, or when things are really fun they show up at my door as the three Witches of Eastwick, taking up residence in my castle, car, computer, office, dialogue and of course the mind, wreaking havoc, getting wild and basically controlling everything. This is the way the Trifecta works. Each of them has their own bag of tools and spells designed to accomplish one thing: to keep us in place, safe from harm (getting hurt, rejected or dismissed). Their nutrients are fear, shame, disappointment, disillusionment, frustration and regret. And as long as we serve up these goodies our unwelcome guests are never going to leave the party… Read more →

How to allow fear to work for you instead of against you. Photo by Stephanie McCabe on Unsplash I think about fear a lot. I mean, at times we all do, right? Lately it’s been a very loud companion as I dig deeper into writing my memoir. No matter the situation, whenever it shows up I run the gamut in my relationship with fear. I see it, dread it, fight it, am pissed off at it, run from it, cry with it and am utterly fascinated by it for the never-ending lessons and conversations that derive from it. Recently I listened to Linda Sivertsen’s Beautiful Writers Podcast when she and guest co-host, Martha Beck interviewed author Glennon Doyle. They were discussing Glennon’s extremely raw bestselling memoir, LOVE WARRIOR, which is sitting next in my Kindle queue. I’m an admirer of all three women and their work. This was a great… Read more →

And, what to do about it so you are. Big weekend plans were looming, with house-guests and an event that’s been a year in the planning. Everything coming together. Ticking off the to-do list, with still-needing-to-be-done phone calls and emails and conversations rolling around in my head and a ball of nerves in my gut. But, I’m gettin’ it done. I think. A couple days beforehand I head to the grocery store to get stocked up, and I take time to fill a beautiful cart with necessities and delectables including a lush mint plant. I smile as I picture serving fresh mint water to my guests. I get to the cash register. “Oh, I don’t have my wallet,” I say, with a bit of a panic rushing into my voice as I dig through my purse. It’s never not in my purse. “Is it in your car?” the helpful cashier… Read more →

Photo by Julien Lux on Unsplash It was the umpteenth time I’d driven to Los Angeles International Airport in the nearly 20 years I’ve lived in LA. And, in all those times I’d never taken the route Google Maps took me recently. It was a winding path that led me down streets and through sections of the city that were entirely new to me. Previously I’d stuck to habitual routes, commonly known directions or the straight shot, even when traffic was abominable. I laughed at how often I second-guessed the navigation system, overriding the guidance, thinking I knew better, so that whatever GPS I was following had to constantly recalibrate. So, this time I decided to go with it, even as I retorted to Google: “Really? Are you sure about that?” To which she said, “In 1000 feet, turn left on Crenshaw.” “Okay, let’s see,” I said, still thinking I… Read more →

I recently reconnected with an old friend with whom I’d been out of touch for several years. She’s going through a challenging transition which includes selling her home, something she doesn’t want to do, but has to. Interestingly, I went through a similar transition at about the same time we’d last spoken. So, the timing of our phone reconnect all of sudden seemed rather divinely directed. I shared something with her that someone said to me during that time that shifted everything for me. And, when I said it, she had a very similar reaction. It got me thinking about how much words, when you hear them at the right time, can shift mindset in an instant. From a place of boy-have-I-been-there, I shared my experience with her. I was laid off in 2008 and was out of steady work for over two years. I was in a daily struggle… Read more →

There’s so much there to find. The temp read 101 degrees as I pulled into Ralph’s parking lot. It was a challenge as usual to find a parking spot which was further exasperated by the fact that I was hot and didn’t want to walk a mile to the door. So, again as usual, I trekked up and down the rows of parked cars watching for brake lights indicating someone was pulling out. I turned down the last row, and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a ramp. I have no idea why I had never noticed this any of the numerous times I’d been to this grocery store, but today it felt it had been put there just for me. It led to underground parking and as I drove down the ramp it was like finding a secret passage way. I found a spot right by the… Read more →